Works of Lars Eighner at Lars Eighner's Homepage

Drab is very hot!

Olive drab, brown drabs, gray drab—and of course in Austin's climate both summer and fall camouflage are chic the year-round.

Yes, street people who are in the know, know survival often depends on being inconspicuous to predators, even those who are not on the police force. So it's drabs and neutrals for those scarves, caps, gloves, coats, and blankets.

Small, multi-purpose, lightweight…that's they way to think. On the street you can be sure of keeping with you only what you can carry with you all the time everywhere: things like Swiss army knives, P-38 can openers, tiny sewing kits. But not flashy, expensive-looking stuff that will surely invite predators.

That's important to remember. Anyone on the street might like an old-fashioned pocket radio to keep up on the weather. Weather is not a small-talk subject for those who live in it. But a fancy Walkman will only be stolen. The key thing is; not too much.

Which brings us to the subject of money.

In many ways money is an ideal gift. It's small, portable, easily-concealed, and very multi-purpose. But not too much.

Any homeless person could always use $5, $10, or $20. Much more invites predation and—yes, let's face it—waste. A hundred dollars is not five times as useful as $20.

Few people are in a position to give enough money to make a real difference—permanently—in a homeless person's life. Even if the homeless person had an immediately marketable skill, which is highly unlikely, the costs of suitable clothing, rent, deposits, and living until the first paycheck are going to amount to many hundreds of dollars. Yet, surviving three or four more days seems a worthwhile goal to many of the homeless, and a contribution to make that possible is within the means of many givers.

But will the homeless person waste the money? Wouldn't it be better to give the money to an agency?

That depends upon the givers definition of waste. If you give money to a person on the street, some or even all of it may be spent on alcohol or drugs. If you give money to an agency a large part of it certainly will be spent on paper, red tape, office space, and car payments so that yuppie social workers can drive BMWs. Not to mention consulting fees.

Poverty, after all, is a big business. It is a way of life for the professional recipients who are able to maintain the many documents to prove they are poor, and it is a livelihood for the agency entrepreneurs who check the documents. And the person on the street won't be able to give you a nice receipt for tax purposes.

Strange to say, but money is not very useful for some things that the homeless need. For example, if all the clothes you own are the ones you are wearing, having the money for laundry is pretty much useless. There are people who will summon the authorities if you disrobe in the Kwik Wash.

There's no gainsaying the fact that bringing a homeless person into your home to get cleaned up can be a very risky thing. The homeless include people who simply are unfortunate and desperate alcoholics, drug addicts, the dangerously psychotic, and the just plain vicious. If you want to help, how do you know you are helping the right ones?

You have to be able to see, that is observe, the homeless as people. If you can tell which one of your clean-smelling co-workers is a rat, which starts hitting off a hidden bottle at noon, and which is pilfering the coffee fund, then if you are willing to really see the homeless you can tell which of them are trustworthy—especially since the homeless live in public with little opportunity to conceal their vices and virtues.

If, for examples, you don't want your contribution spent on wine, look to see who is always under a bottle and who is just sitting there, talking. Say "hello." You'll find out who is living in a world of Martians and dragons and who has a more generally approved sense of reality. In the coming Bush years you may be glad to have a streetwise friend who can show you the ropes when your times comes, or you may end up being shipped to the same camp.

Street life today is very different from the playing at poverty which many ex-hippies remember. It isn't an endless party; there are barred condos where the crash pads used to be, and sneaking into a university gym for a shower is about as easy as dropping into Fort Knox to pick up a couple of bars of bullion.

Happy holidays! Be sure to spend plenty of money on tinsel and lights.